Sunday, February 8, 2009

An Amusing Historical Meander Through My Personal Contributions to Online Hockey Debates

I had the pleasure this week of having my letter to Adam Proteau of The Hockey News published in his weekly "Ask Adam" mailbag. It was the first time I had written to "Ask Adam," and I received a pretty satisfactory response to my query about Adam's love of the iconic film Slap Shot but virulent anti-fighting stance:

Hi Adam, I have a question that relates to your now well-established stance against fighting in the NHL. Before you hit the delete button, however, I should add that my question also involves the greatest hockey movie of all-time.

Last summer you produced a list of your favorite hockey films and No. 1 on the list (a choice I agree with hands down) was Slap Shot. My question, then, is how do you reconcile your
choice of this pugilistic representation of the best sport in the world with your anti-fighting stance?

I have a couple of guesses: You aren't as concerned with fighting at lower levels of hockey as you are with it the NHL, you see the film as a parody of the goon culture that plagues hockey, you see the film as a product of a bygone era when fighting was an acceptable part of the game or the movie is just so damn funny that you don't really care about the negative stereotypes that it reinforces.

Are any of these the case? Or do you have another rationale for your seemingly paradoxical endorsement of Slap Shot? Cheers and keep up the good work!

Mark Norman, Vancouver


Hi Mark,
What would life be without paradoxes and inconsistency? It’s why I can say with great confidence I’m actually proud of owning Phil Collins’ early solo records, yet deeply ashamed I bought anything he did after No Jacket Required. As for my devotion to Slap Shot – your last theory is the correct one. I think you can advocate for progressive ideals and common sense solutions to some of hockey’s great ailments, while also recognizing the thousands of subtle and overt comic deliveries that make George Roy Hill’s masterpiece – yes, I said masterpiece – so enjoyable. (And don’t get me started on the rumored Slap Shot remake. I’m saving that rant until somebody dares follow through on this threat to mess with perfection.)

Now the first time I ever contributed to an online hockey discussion I was less eloquent, though apparently - given the recent controversy over all-star selections - more prescient. I can actually remember emailing Sports Illustrated from my high school computer lab back when I was in Grade 11. From CNNSI.com:

How did Olaf Kolzig make the World team over Roman Turek. Turek has been one of the best goalies all season, and is near the top of virtually every statistical category for goalies. Not only that, but he has guided his team to second place in his conference. Why is it that Kolzig, whose team in total has fewer wins than Turek does individually, made the sqaud? Something needs to be changed in the selection format....

Mark Norman,
Vancouver, B.C.

Wow. Someone actually took the time to write to Sports Illustrated to defend Roman Turek? And the someone was me?!? Yikes. Also, please excuse the improper spelling of 'squad' - I was in Grade 11, give me a break.

I guess I kept my head buried in the sand for the better part of a decade after my passionate Roamn Turek love-in, but as you all know I resurfaced in June of 2008 when I started 'Nucks and Pucks.

Recently, I began making the occasional comment on my favourite hockey blog, Puck Daddy.

One post from this blog, concerning the Chicago Blackhawks visiting "northern Canada" to attend the funeral of their GM's father, caused me to address what I considered certain geographical inacuracies - and generate some fairly hilarious trash talking comments from other posters (I am assuming, based on comment #19, that some comments have been deleted and that originally my comment was actually #19):

17. Posted by Mark Norman Fri Dec 12, 2008 4:29 pm EST

Um, two hours north of Toronto is definitely not "northern Canada." For the geographically challenged here is a simple 3-step process to see where a two-hour drive from the city would take you:

1. Find Toronto on a map (it's the big, Stanley Cup-less void just north-east of Detroit)
2. Find Buffalo - that represents a roughly 1.5 hour drive.
3. Use that information to figure out approximately how far north you could get from Toronto in two hours (on a bus no less).

What you'll quickly discover is that you wouldn't get very far at all. In fact, you'd be well south of the 49th parallel. If you think that's "northern Canada" then just keep looking north on the map and you'll figure out how big the country is. The Blackhawks were pretty much in suburban Toronto, not Yellowknife or Iqaliut.

18. Posted by Matt Conquer Fri Dec 12, 2008 4:31 pm EST

I am not sure how 2 hours north of Toronto is "sparsely populated Canada" but hey, at least its a great story!

19. Posted by sqeekyclean38 Fri Dec 12, 2008 4:37 pm EST

for some reason i just cant get a visual of Stef Marbury or Iverson doing the same. Oh well. Each sport is a reflection of the society that its roots belong. You can all connect the dots after that..........And poster 19.. get a job.. Who the hell cares were the GPS device is. Its not the point.

22. Posted by SIMMONS Fri Dec 12, 2008 5:00 pm EST

Dear Mark Norman Professor of Geography and Basic Mathematical Problems...
Thanks for your stimulating insights. Here's one...the jerk store called and you're their best seller.

It's too bad that SIMMONS has never commented on 'Nucks and Pucks, because he is hilarious and I think he would win a Reader Comment Award hands down. Also, sqeekyclean38, while clearly in need of some writing/spelling/grammar lessons, showed a remarkable amount of insightfulness - how did he know that I am a student right now and therefore not fully employed?

So there is an intro to the topsy-turvy landscape of internet free-expression, which allows any idiot with an opinion to share it with the world. Like that clown who thought Roman Turek should be in the All-Star Game - yeesh, what a loser.

Though who would have thought he would grow up to become a Professor of Geography and Basic Mathematical Problems?

1 comment:

Graham said...

1. I actually remember Turek being pretty decent... and those 1999-2000 numbers were pretty solid stuff... even when you take away the fact that he had two of the best defencemen in the league in front of him... kudos for you being the one person in the world to actually stick up for the guy.

2. i'm pretty sure the mark norman/simmons exchange will never get old for me.